Letter from Elisabeth d'Ornano concerning respect and dialogue.

I would like to start this second letter reporting on our activities. On this quarter, we are offering conferences in private schools regarding the early detection of ADHD and presenting tools for treatment. On the next quarter, we will be organizing no-cost courses credited by the Community of Madrid, for professors of public schools and pediatricians in order to promote correct diagnosis. Also, we have pending offering help to shelters in Madrid. In this opportunity I would like to highlight the great job they are doing and the dedication that involves the fact of being parent and educator at the same time, being that support they need so much. Once a rapport is established, the educator, professor, parent or even the psychiatrist may be a reference for the child, as they are fully involved in his development.

Developing and maintaining dialogue through adolescence, will set important links between the child and his parents, for the child to turn to them as soon as he has any kind of trouble, so that they can help them through. It is necessary to develop dialogue from early childhood. Dialogue favors family relationships and offers parents the opportunity to give timely advice. It also allows to know the child better and so the friends they hang out with. Dialogue can also be established through physical contact. This kind of dialogue with young children is important, but may weaken as they grow up. Sometimes, adolescents that start with their own lives, of which they won`t talk, may accept a massage as a path towards them. Contact provides security. Dialogue is the symbol of communication between two people. It is a process in which each one has to give and take. Adults have to learn and have the patience enough to listen to children; they have their own evolution and inborn wisdom. They may surprise us, making us think, helping us in our own path of life, “touching” us in some way. Parents should try to be loving educators, giving everything they can in order to lead the children through their development, so they can become “themselves”. Nobody belongs to nobody. There is no need to control or have a possessive attitude, nor expect the child to become a replica of oneself, but help him to take off with his own wings.

Children deserve respect. Respect favors respect, which is the foundation for positive relationships. Respect should be taught not only towards human life, but also towards animal life and nature, as all are linked, and this link should be honored. Children with ADHD are often treated rudely as they are often pushing people to the limit. Parents, siblings and teachers, as well as pairs, easily fall in this situation, leaving a scar in the child’s self esteem that may last forever which may push them to reproduce in their pairs the same abuse they are suffering from. Finding the main cause for the outbreak may help to heal the scar and avoid situations that may aggravate it. This scar, which may show in tantrums, verbal violence or inappropriate behavior, can generate, for instance, the need to always win games or the fear of their siblings doing better than them and so be more loved. Parents and educators that teach children to treat people humanly, reasserting the value and dignity of each person, will be helping these children to value unity through diversity.

Adults and mothers above all, we should take care of the emotional side of our children. This is as important as academic instruction.

Children value themselves through the opinion their parents have of them, this is why it is so important to appreciate children beyond their limitations. Affection and verbal demonstration of love, the ability to express feelings, even though it might be hard sometimes for some people, is important, as this will motivate them to try to please and try to control their behavior. When a child receives love, he will know how to give it back to others, and this is an important circle for society. We must make our children aware of the importance of participating in some kind of social contribution, however small. We can begin giving them some kind of activity they assume they can perform the best, at home, working or taking care of a pet… If they grow up with these ideas, they will become more satisfied adults and, in consequence, may have less existential issues.

The necessary patience, tolerance and love can make a difference. Placing the child in situations in which he can outstand and feel appreciated, will make him win praise, which can leave a lasting imprint when it is sincere. Being positive since the beginning of his life and having in mind that a child can reflect his parent’s problems, is also critical to his parents taking care of their own inner child. Each person is special and unique. I would love to draw a beautiful sunset in a simple world as in The Little Prince of St Exupéry, in which each child is watering his dainty rose, with all its beauty, symbol of the perfection nature can offer. Something wonderful to contemplate and smell. A gift he thought came from Venus. For the Little Prince life was simple and his ultimate concern was the wellbeing of his rose…

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